Warmth in the soul and in the trenches

I feel that even now, all those memories are painful for her. She smiles hesitantly, and I try to help her relax. I ask her to only share situations she feels comfortable with. Her eyes convey so much that I can't tell if she'll smile or start crying in the next moment.

She tells me that she sought therapeutic help to find balance and that saved her and provided emotional resources. She mobilized to offer help to those around her, even though she couldn't carry out her work conventionally as people were hiding in basements. "Even though I couldn't carry out my activities in a conventional way because people were hiding in basements, I sent messages, talked on the phone trying to encourage and advised on psychological self-help.”

After 2-3 weeks, they managed to bring her husband's relatives to where they were, in a safer area. But this came with new challenges: 10 people were now living in 3 rooms. "That's when the real challenges began! We divided ourselves based on family ties, so in one room, it was me, my husband, and our two teenage children, each of them from different marriages - my daughter and my husband's son from a previous marriage. I don't know how to explain, but this situation became very complicated for us." Olena stops and sighs, seemingly embarrassed by what she was sharing. When she resumes the story, her voice trembles, and she starts to cry. I am stuck and don't know how to react. I fear overwhelming her with displays of compassion. I understand the stress caused by the fact that different people end up living together, crowded, suffocating each other, destroying their relationships and patience against the backdrop of fears and uncertainties caused by the war. The silence weighs on us in the small room, and I ask her about the children to shift her thoughts. She tells me that her daughter came with her to Cluj, and her husband's son was away studying abroad.

Olena, the fragile one, is courageous because she speaks openly about her fears and helplessness. "I had accumulated feelings of hatred which were destroying me from the inside, so I wondered whether I should enlist in the army and kill enemies (as I have a military rank) or do something else. And, because I have a child, I chose the second option. So, I decided to transform all that hatred into love. I changed the hatred towards enemies into love for our defenders."

Together with her family, they started making special candles used in the trenches. I congratulated her, and my compliments and encouragement lit up her entire being. "After I had the idea to make candles, I mobilized and managed to inspire others to join me. We made over 2,500 candles. Another important thing was that I learned to ask for help." She is happy when she tells me about the soldiers warming their hands at the candles they made. She received thanks and photos from them, and that was fuel for her tired soul.

She tells me about her beloved city, about streets she can't find anywhere else. She understood that today's reality in Kharkiv is not the same as the reality of the past and her memories.

Our meeting is coming to an end. I tell her she is brave, and I really hope she understands and accepts that. I ask her what the most beautiful thing she experienced during this time was. "The experience of working together with others - me, who used to work only on my own.

When I hug her at the end of the meeting, I feel like I've spent years with Olena. Years in which I observed her internal transformation and evolution from a fragile and scared woman to a determined woman ready to learn and move forward. With her head held high, attentive, and sensitive to the needs of those around her.